How to Support Your Friend Through Their Divorce

When the doors opened, she closed her fingers around the ring, willed the tears to wait.

"Pilar." Helen took one look. Her lips tightened. "Okay, let's forget the coffee section of today's entertainment."

At home, she crossed to a painted cabinet, opened it and selected a decanter of brandy. 

She poured two snifters, then walked over to sit on the footstool in front of Pilar's chair.

The Villa

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By Cynthia Magana cynthmag - https://unsplash.com/photos/GMLNhaBkCiEarchive copyImage, CC0,

 https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=61715079

And if you're watching a loved one cycle through the typical emotions associated with this trying chapter—grief, fear, anger, and frustration—not to mention lengthy legal proceedings, it's easy to feel helpless or concerned that you'll say the wrong thing.

YAHOO!

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"Maybe, maybe. I can't see clearly now. I can't see through the next hour much less the next year. God, I didn't even make him pay. Didn't have the guts to make him pay."

"Don't worry, she will." Helen leaned over, kissed the top of Pilar's head. No man like Tony should slip through life without paying, she thought.

"And if you want to scald him a bit, I'll help you outline a divorce settlement that will leave him with permanent scars and one shriveled testicle."

Pilar smiled a little. She could always count on Helen. 

"As entertaining as that might be, it'd just drag things out, and make it more difficult for Sophie. Helen, what the hell am I going to do with the new life that's been dumped in my lap?"

"We'll think of something."

The Villa

"I am enough."

Pilar let out a moaning laugh. "I hate where I am, and I don't know how to get someplace else. I didn't even fight back, Helen."

"So you're not a warrior." Helen rose to sit on the arm of the chair, wrapped an arm around Pilar's shoulder. "You're a beautiful, intelligent, kind woman who got a raw deal. And damn, honey, if this door finally closing isn't the best thing for you."

"God, now you sound like Tony."

"No need to be insulting. Besides, he didn't mean that, and I do."

"Maybe, maybe. I can't see clearly now. I can't see through the next hour much less the next year. God, I didn't even make him pay. Didn't have the guts to make him pay."

"Don't worry, she will." Helen leaned over, kissed the top of Pilar's head. 

No man like Tony should slip through life without paying, she thought.

"And if you want to scald him a bit, I'll help you outline a divorce settlement that will leave him with permanent scars and one shriveled testicle."

Pilar smiled a little. She could always count on Helen. "As entertaining as that might be, it'd just drag things out, and make it more difficult for Sophie. Helen, what the hell am I going to do with the new life that's been dumped in my lap?"

"We'll think of something."

The Villa

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By SebCon (Own work) [CC BY 3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

The Life-Changing Lesson I Learned Through the Pain of Infidelity

Then one night, in the midst of a late night conversation, a friend finally said just the thing I needed to hear to shatter my feelings of inadequacy. No flattery or comparison this time. He simply told me that in a relationship “Whatever issues that other person has, they have no bearing on your own validity. You eventually just realize it’s not all about you.”

HUFFINGTON POST

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"I suppose. In any case, you're all but living with the family, so you'll hear things. My husband and I have been separated for a number of years. He informed me recently, very recently, that we are getting divorced. His bride-to-be is very young. Beautiful, sharp-edged. And… very young," she said again with a half-laugh. 

"It's ridiculous, I suppose, how much that part bothers me. In any case, it's an awkward and difficult situation."

"It'll be more awkward and difficult for him if he ever takes a good look at what he let go."

It took her a moment to adjust to the compliment. "That's very kind of you."

"No, it's not. You're beautiful, elegant and interesting."

And not used to hearing it, he realized as she simply stared at him. That, too, was interesting. "That's a lot for a man to let go. Divorce is tough," he added. "A kind of death, especially if you took it seriously to begin with. Even when all you've got left of it is the illusion, it's a hell of a shock to watch it shatter."

"Yes." She felt comforted.

The Villa